1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,904
? BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ?
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:09,608
? SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ?
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:13,245
? GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ?
4
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:16,581
? THOSE WERE THE DAYS ?
5
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:20,219
? AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ?
6
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:24,089
? GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ?
7
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,324
? MISTER, WE COULD USE A MAN ?
8
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:30,495
? LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ?
9
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,465
? DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ?
10
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,735
? EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ?
11
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:41,073
? GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ?
12
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,373
? THOSE WERE ?
13
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:46,244
? THE DAYS ?
14
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:54,074
Advertise your product or brand here
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15
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,890
I'M BACK.
16
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:02,260
OH, YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN
AT CHURCH WITH ME TODAY.
17
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:03,728
YEAH, WHY?
18
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,332
THE REVEREND FELCHER
GAVE SUCH A NICE SERMON.
19
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,501
ALL ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL.
20
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,703
YEAH, WHICH SIDE WAS HE ON?
21
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,074
ON THE GOOD SIDE.
22
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,444
HE SAYS THAT GOD IS GOOD
23
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,013
WITH ONE OF THE O'S TAKEN OUT.
24
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:27,552
AND EVIL IS DEVIL
WITH THE 'D' TAKEN OUT.
25
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,088
AIN'T THAT SMART?
26
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,792
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.
27
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,293
YEAH. WELL, I'LL GO THERE
28
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,196
WHEN THE REVEREND
FLETCHER GETS TAKEN OUT.
29
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:44,636
HE SAYS THAT THE LORD
SMILES ON HIS SHEEP
30
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,371
WHEN THEY ARE IN HIS FOLD.
31
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,607
WELL, THE LORD MAYBE
SMILIN' ON HIS SHEEPS,
32
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,809
BUT THEY STILL WIND
UP LAMB CHOPS, EDITH.
33
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,248
HE ASKED ME AGAIN
WHY YOU WASN'T WITH ME?
34
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,852
WELL, I HOPE YOU TOLD HIM
THAT SUNDAY IS MY DAY OF REST.
35
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,900
AND IF I HAVE TO JUMP OUT OF
BED AND TEAR OFF TO CHURCH,
36
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,968
HOW AM I GOIN' TO GET THAT REST?
37
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,893
OH, YEAH.
38
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,696
WELL, I DIDN'T REST TOO GOOD
NEITHER. I TOSSED ALL NIGHT.
39
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,265
HOW DID YOU COME UP THIS
MORNIN'? HEADS OR TAILS?
40
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:23,341
NO, I WAS WORRYIN' ABOUT MIKE
AND GLORIA SLEEPIN' UP THERE
41
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:25,577
IN THAT COLD MOUNTAIN CABIN.
42
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,913
I HOPE THEY WAS WARM ENOUGH.
43
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:30,181
OH, JEEZ, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THEM TWO.
44
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,952
THEY COULD SET A
WATER BED BOILIN'.
45
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,423
YOU GONNA CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES?
46
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,792
WHY, I AIN'T GOING
NOWHERES. I GONNA SIT HERE,
47
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,495
READ MY PAPER, WATCH
T.V., DRINK MY BEER.
48
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:47,365
AND TALK TO MY COUSIN
AMELIA AND RUSSELL.
49
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,533
HUH?
50
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:52,371
REMEMBER? THEY'RE
COMIN' TO VISIT TODAY.
51
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,240
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
52
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,575
DON'T LAY A THING
LIKE THAT ON ME
53
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,589
AND THEN DISAPPEAR
INSIDE THE KITCHEN.
54
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,591
I DON'T WANNA BE
STUCK WITH THEM.
55
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,493
WHY DIDN'T YOU REMIND
ME THEY WAS COMIN'?
56
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,950
WELL, I DID YESTERDAY, TWICE.
57
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,630
WHILE YOU WAS READIN' THE PAPER
58
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,766
AND BOTH TIMES YOU SAID, "FINE."
59
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,357
AH, YOU KNOW I NEVER LISTEN
TO YOU WHEN I SAY "FINE."
60
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,260
AMELIA'S BAD ENOUGH,
61
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,929
BUT THAT BIG-MOUTHED
PLUMBER HUSBAND OF HERS...
62
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,576
HE'S ALWAYS SITTIN' IN MY CHAIR,
63
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,833
BLOWIN' OFF ABOUT ALL HIS MONEY.
64
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,503
OH, RUSSELL'S GOT A RIGHT TO.
65
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,572
AMELIA SAYS HE'S
DOIN' WONDERFUL.
66
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:32,577
HE JUST DID ALL THE PLUMBIN' FOR
A GREAT BIG CITY HOUSING PROJECT.
67
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,714
BIG DEAL. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE
HIM? PRINCE OF THE PUBLIC POTTIES?
68
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,553
I THINK YOU'RE GETTIN' A
LITTLE JEALOUS OF RUSSELL.
69
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,655
NO, I AIN'T JEALOUS.
70
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,524
LISTEN, ALL I GOT TO SAY
71
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,004
IS THAT RICH PEOPLE OUGHT TO
KEEP QUIET ABOUT THEIR MONEY.
72
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:50,340
IN FACT, I THINK THEY OUGHT
TO BE A LITTLE ASHAMED OF IT.
73
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,432
YOU KNOW, TAKE YOUR
NELSON D. ROCKEFELLER THERE.
74
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,478
HE WAS SO, WHAT YOU
CALL, MODEST ABOUT IT,
75
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:59,270
HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL THE CONGRESS HOW MUCH
HE HAD. THEY HAD TO DRAG IT OUT OF HIM.
76
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,641
NOW, THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL CLASS.
77
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:06,811
OH, I DON'T THINK RUSSELL WILL
TALK ABOUT HIS MONEY TODAY.
78
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,958
THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM HAWAII.
79
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,462
HE'LL PROBABLY TALK
ABOUT HIS VACATION.
80
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:14,519
SURE, HE'LL TELL ME ALL
ABOUT HOW MUCH IT COSTS.
81
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,622
HE'LL BE GIVIN' ME THE FIGURES
INSIDE THE FIRST 30 SECONDS HE'S HERE.
82
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,034
YOU WAIT AND SEE. FINE.
83
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,726
OH, ARCHIE, I LIKE RUSSELL
84
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,729
AND HE'S SO GOOD TO AMELIA.
85
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,799
THEIR MARRIAGE
WAS MADE IN HEAVEN.
86
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,568
WHERE THE HELL WAS
OURS MADE? IN JAPAN?
87
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,492
MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT
JEALOUS OF AMELIA, THERE, TOO, HUH?
88
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,782
OH, NO!
89
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,961
NOW, WELL, LISTEN, JUST
BECAUSE SOME GUY BUYS
90
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,363
FURS AND DIAMONDS FOR HIS WIFE,
91
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,898
THAT DON'T MAKE
HIM A GOOD HUSBAND.
92
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,288
I AM TALKIN' ABOUT
93
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:53,224
ALL THE LITTLE THINGS
HE DOES FOR HER.
94
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,528
NOBODY DOES LITTLER
THINGS THAN I DO FOR YOU.
95
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,866
OH, I KNOW, ARCHIE.
96
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:05,670
BUT AMELIA AND RUSSELL,
THEY'RE SO ROMANTIC.
97
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:10,274
I LOVE THE WAY HE CALLS HER
HONEY AND SWEETHEART AND THINGS.
98
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,477
OH, JEEZ, I CALL YOU THINGS.
99
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:18,282
BUT YOU AIN'T CALLED ME HONEY
OR SWEETHEART FOR YEARS.
100
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,985
OH, WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU, THERE'S AN OLD SAYIN',
101
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:24,021
"YOU DON'T KEEP RUNNIN'
AFTER YOU CATCH THE BUS."
102
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:29,193
OH, THERE THEY ARE.
103
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,441
AW, JEEZ. OH, ARCHIE,
TRY TO BE NICE.
104
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:35,032
OH, WHY DO I HAVE TO SEE
THESE TERRIBLE PEOPLE?
105
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,804
ALOHA! ALOHA!
106
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,840
COME IN, PLEASE. COME ON.
107
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,742
AHH!
108
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,877
OH, ARCHIE! SAY ALOHA TO THEM.
109
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:47,479
YEAH, YEAH. HELLO, YEAH.
110
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,881
ALOHA, ARCHIE.
111
00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:52,450
ALOHA. I WISH IT
WAS ARRIVADUCHE.
112
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,921
LET ME HAVE YOUR COATS.
113
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,068
LET ME HELP YOU, SWEETHEART.
114
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,992
OH! THANK YOU, DARLING.
115
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,935
WE'RE DYIN' TO
HEAR ABOUT HAWAII.
116
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,170
IT MUST'VE BEEN FUN.
117
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,938
OH, IT WAS.
118
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,508
ARCH, WAIT TILL YOU HEAR
WHAT THAT TRIP COST ME.
119
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,112
$2,312.
120
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,447
28 SECONDS. YOU COME IN 2 UNDER.
121
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,385
THESE ARE FOR YOU
AND ARCHIE. OH, OH, OH.
122
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,254
OH, RIGHT FROM HAWAII.
123
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,158
OH, THANK YOU. WELL, SIT DOWN.
124
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,860
YEAH, WELL, SIT DOWN.
YEAH, JUST GO AHEAD. YEAH.
125
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,697
SIT DOWN, YEAH, BUT
NOT IN MY CHAIR, OH!
126
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:44,669
ARCH, IF YOU CAN EVER SCRAPE
ENOUGH DOUGH TOGETHER,
127
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,037
YOU GOT TO SEE THE ISLANDS.
128
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,472
WE HAD A SUITE AT
THE HAWAIIAN VILLAGE.
129
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:51,743
$80 A DAY. RIGHT ON THE BEACH.
130
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,932
FOR THAT KIND OF DOUGH, YOU
SHOULD'VE BEEN UP IN THE HOTEL.
131
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,651
OH, ARCHIE, YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE.
132
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:01,786
NO.
133
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,224
YOU TWO CERTAINLY HAVE CHANGED.
134
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,426
RUSSELL, YOU LOOK SO YOUNG
135
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,229
AND AMELIA, YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT.
136
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,032
15 POUNDS!
137
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:18,502
DOESN'T SHE LOOK TERRIFIC?
THAT'S MY LITTLE MISS AMERICA.
138
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,716
DOESN'T RUSSELL LOOK
WONDERFUL? OH, YEAH.
139
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,507
YEAH. JEEZ, HIS HAIR LOOKS
BETTER THAN HE DOES.
140
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,146
HEY, UH, WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?
141
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,482
NO, I JUST LET IT GROW LONGER.
142
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:35,386
I THINK YOU BEEN LETTIN' IT GROW
A LITTLE DARKER, TOO, AIN'T YOU?
143
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,589
OH, SURE, I TOUCH
IT UP. I ADMIT IT.
144
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,603
YOU SEE, ARCH, I DO BUSINESS
WITH A LOT OF YOUNG EXECUTIVES.
145
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,993
SO I GOT TO KEEP IN SHAPE.
146
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,462
I JUST CAN'T AFFORD
TO LET MYSELF GO.
147
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:47,098
OR I AM LIABLE TO WIND
UP LOOKIN' LIKE YOU.
148
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,902
NOW, HONEY, STOP TEASING ARCHIE.
149
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,037
AH.
150
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,150
COME ON EVERYBODY,
OPEN YOUR PRESENTS.
151
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,251
OH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
152
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,520
RUSSELL WANTED
TO SEND THEM OVER.
153
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,657
BUT I INSISTED ON BRINGING
THEM OVER IN PERSON.
154
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,681
RUSSELL'S WAY WAS BETTER.
155
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:08,953
OH, MY! ARCHIE! LOOK!
156
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,290
LOOKS LIKE GYPSY UNDERWEAR.
157
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:18,062
IT IS A MUMU.
158
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,098
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU.
159
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,337
AND, UH,
160
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,645
ARCHIE HAS A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. OH!
161
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,776
BOY, THIS COULD BE THE
WALLPAPER IN A FAG BAR.
162
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,385
WELL, I JUST LOVE MY MUMU.
163
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,420
OH, MY!
164
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:45,790
I CAN'T GET OVER HOW
GOOD YOU BOTH LOOK.
165
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,692
WELL, THAT'S
BECAUSE I PLAY GOLF,
166
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,372
I GO TO THE GYM 3 TIMES A WEEK,
167
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,128
AND I WATCH MY DIET.
168
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,898
LOT OF FRIENDS TELL ME I
LOOK 10 YEARS YOUNGER.
169
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,868
JEEZ, HANG ON TO THEM
FRIENDS, THEY'RE HARD TO FIND.
170
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:02,374
OH, RUSSELL NEEDS
HIS RELAXATION.
171
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:05,377
HE'S COOPED UP IN HIS
OFFICE NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS.
172
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,711
I HARDLY EVER SEE HIM.
173
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,624
OH, WELL, DON'T FORGET, HONEY,
174
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:12,317
IT WAS THE SWEAT OF MY BROW THAT GOT
US OUT OF QUEENS AND UP TO WESTCHESTER.
175
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,854
I AM NOT COMPLAINING, HONEY.
176
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,934
AS LONG AS YOU
KEEP YOUR PROMISE.
177
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,103
TAKE ME TO EUROPE NEXT YEAR.
178
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,327
EUROPE!
179
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,828
OH, MY!
180
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:28,333
OH, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL, THE WAY
YOU TWO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
181
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,068
AH, YEAH. TOGETHER, TOGETHER.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, EDITH.
182
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,905
WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF
TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME COFFEE
183
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:36,274
FOR EVERYBODY AND THEN
YOU AND RUSSELL AND AMELIA,
184
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:37,876
YOU HAVE THE COFFEE TOGETHER.
185
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,322
MEANTIME, I GOT TO RUN
DOWN TO KELCY'S BAR
186
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,458
AND HIM AND ME ARE GONNA
HAVE A BEER TOGETHER.
187
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,782
NO, WAIT, WAIT.
188
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,418
UMM, WHY DON'T YOU
GO WITH HIM, RUSSELL?
189
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,486
OH, ARCHIE. WAIT FOR RUSSELL.
190
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,321
GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD, RUSSELL.
191
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:57,696
I, UH, I WANT TO HAVE A
LITTLE GAB WITH EDITH.
192
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,964
YOU KNOW, WOMAN TALK.
193
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,999
YOU'RE SURE YOU DON'T
MIND, SWEETHEART?
194
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,969
NO, HONEY, YOU
NEED A LITTLE FUN.
195
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,971
ISN'T SHE A DOLL?
196
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,306
YEAH.
197
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,142
OK. I'LL KEEP YOU COMPANY,
ARCH. BOY, AM I LUCKY.
198
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,714
COME ON OUT IN
THE KITCHEN, AMELIA.
199
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:21,552
OH, MY, I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST.
200
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:26,057
EVERY TIME I... I START TO
LOSE A FEW POUNDS ONE PLACE,
201
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,407
THEY TURN UP SOMEPLACE ELSE.
202
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,463
BUT YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
203
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,098
WELL!
204
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,934
JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS,
205
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,535
I HAD MY FACE LIFTED.
206
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:44,208
OH!
207
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,878
YEAH!
208
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:49,513
YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE HIGHER.
209
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,305
YEAH.
210
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,456
BUT WHAT D'YOU DO THAT FOR?
211
00:10:58,524 --> 00:10:59,991
FOR RUSSELL.
212
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:04,528
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT FOR RUSSELL.
213
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:08,399
HE WAS HAPPY WITH YOU EVEN
WHEN YOUR FACE WAS DOWN.
214
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,802
YES, RUSSELL'S VERY HAPPY.
215
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,405
OH, YEAH! AND YOU
LOOK HAPPY, TOO.
216
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,539
THAT'S RIGHT.
217
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,641
AND YOU SHOULD BE.
218
00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:21,412
YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,
AND A WONDERFUL HUSBAND.
219
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,714
A PERFECT MARRIAGE.
220
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:26,351
YEAH, GOT EVERYTHING
A WOMAN COULD WANT.
221
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:31,322
AND... AND YOU TWO TAKE ALL OF
THEM ROMANTIC TRIPS TOGETHER.
222
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,957
YEAH.
223
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,571
I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING
ELSE WE MAY DO TOGETHER.
224
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,861
WHAT?
225
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,129
GET A DIVORCE.
226
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:55,046
AMELIA, WHY WOULD YOU
WANNA GET A DIVORCE?
227
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,581
WHY, RUSSELL LOVES YOU.
228
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:03,687
HE'S ALWAYS CALLING YOU HONEY
AND SWEETHEART AND MISS AMERICA.
229
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,423
THAT'S JUST RUSSELL'S
WAY OF TALKING.
230
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:10,962
HE CALLS MY MOTHER MISS
AMERICA AND HE HATES HER.
231
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,642
EDITH, HE'S TIRED OF ME. I'VE
KNOWN THAT FOR A LONG TIME.
232
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,768
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
233
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,702
HE'S HARDLY EVER HOME.
234
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,072
HE'S ALWAYS WORKING
LATE AT THE OFFICE.
235
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,461
EVEN WHEN HE
ISN'T AT THE OFFICE.
236
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,144
I'M LOSING HIM, EDITH.
237
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,680
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
238
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,949
OH! WELL, YOU HAD
YOUR FACE LIFTED.
239
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,086
THAT'S SOMETHIN'.
240
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,557
YEAH, FOR ALL
THE GOOD IT DID ME,
241
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,666
I COULD'VE LEFT IT WHERE IT WAS.
242
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:47,465
YOUNG GIRLS, THAT'S ALL
THAT'S ON RUSSELL'S BRAIN.
243
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,534
HE'S CAUGHT THE
SEX FEVER, EDITH.
244
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,803
THE WHAT?
245
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,674
IT'S ALL AROUND US.
246
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,354
JUST LOOK AT ALL THE MOVIES,
247
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,911
AND THE MAGAZINES,
AND THE SEX BOOKS.
248
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,681
HOW TO? WHEN TO? WHY TO?
249
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:17,187
THEY MAKE YOU FEEL THERE'S A
PARTY GOING ON AND YOU'VE MISSED IT.
250
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:29,173
WELL, I... I DON'T THINK I'D
GO EVEN IF I WAS INVITED.
251
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,420
I'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOU'D BE
VERY HEAVY IN THE STOCK MARKET.
252
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,390
MY BROKER TOLD ME TO
GET OUT OF THE MARKET.
253
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,593
SO, I UNLOADED
ALL THE SECURITIES.
254
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,806
I DON'T IMAGINE YOU HAVE
ANY INVESTMENTS, ARCH.
255
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,363
OH, NO, RUSSELL.
256
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,799
ANYTHING I HAVE IS ALL
TIED UP IN STAYIN' ALIVE.
257
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,080
HOW YOU DOIN', KELCY?
258
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,437
HI, ARCH. HOW YOU DOIN'?
259
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,117
HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET A
COUSIN-IN-LAW OF EDITH'S HERE.
260
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:04,075
THIS IS RUSSELL DE COOPER. HI.
261
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,389
THAT'S DEKUYPER.
OH, GEE, YEAH, YEAH.
262
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:10,114
YOU KNOW THAT NAME OF YOURS, THAT'S THE
ONE WORD I ALWAYS DISPRONOUNCE WRONG.
263
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,618
RUSSELL IS A BIG PLUMBER.
264
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,719
A PLUMBER?
265
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,187
PLUMBING CONTRACTOR.
266
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,423
HEY, LISTEN, WE GOT A
PROBLEM WITH THE JOHN.
267
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,259
IT FLUSHES, SEE, BUT YOU GOT
TO KEEP JIGGLIN' THE HANDLE.
268
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,194
MAYBE YOU'LL TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
269
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,296
I, UH, I DON'T DO
FIELD WORK ANYMORE.
270
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,166
THE JOHN AIN'T OUT IN THE FIELD.
271
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,001
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
272
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:34,806
COME ON, THERE, WILL YOU,
KELCY? IT'S A DAY OF REST.
273
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,875
WHAT DO YOU WANT? THE MAN
DIVIN' INTO YOUR TOILET ON SUNDAY?
274
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:39,310
WELL, IT'S HERE. AW.
275
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,990
NO, IT'S OK, ARCH.
I'M USED TO IT.
276
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:43,481
IT'S LIKE BEIN' A DOCTOR.
EVERYBODY WANTS FREE ADVICE.
277
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,749
OH, YEAH.
278
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:48,258
UH, I'D LIKE TO BUY A ROUND
OF DRINKS FOR THE HOUSE.
279
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,823
WHO'S THE HOUSE?
280
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,225
I MEAN, UH,
281
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,041
LITTLE MISS AMERICA OVER THERE
AT THE TABLE. AND ONE FOR YOU, TOO.
282
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,631
AH, NO, NO. NONE FOR ME. THANKS.
283
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,100
I DON'T LIKE NO DRUNK
HANDLIN' MY CASH REGISTER.
284
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,070
WHAT'LL IT BE, GENTS?
285
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,605
A HARVEY WALLBANGER.
286
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:09,973
A WHAT?
287
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,944
THAT'S A SCREWDRIVER
WITH A SHOT OF GALLIANO.
288
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,913
IT'S A DRINK, STUPID. MAKE IT.
289
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,015
OK. GIVE ME A BEER.
290
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,383
BEER?
291
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,596
LOOK, IT'S ON ME.
LIVE IT UP A LITTLE.
292
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,621
THAT'S HOW I LIVE
IT UP. I HAVE A BEER.
293
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,891
BEER IS A POOR
MAN'S DRINK, ARCH.
294
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,737
YOU PLAN TO BE
POOR ALL YOUR LIFE?
295
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,461
RUSSELL, I DIDN'T PLAN
IT. I JUST LUCKED INTO IT.
296
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:35,032
YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE.
297
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,835
SAME OLD ARCH, SAME
OLD JOB, SAME OLD HOUSE.
298
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,636
OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
299
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,917
I MIGHT MOVE INTO A BETTER
HOUSE, A BETTER NEIGHBORHOOD,
300
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,941
IF SOME, UH, RICH
RELATION BY MARRIAGE
301
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:48,112
WOULD KINDLY CROAK AND
REMEMBER ME IN HIS WILL.
302
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:51,949
THE SHAPE YOU ARE IN, ARCH, YOU'RE
GONNA NEED THAT RICH RELATION TO BURY YOU.
303
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,117
OH.
304
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,786
HERE WE GO, A HARVEY WALLBANGER.
305
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,089
THANKS. AND, UH, HERE FOR YOU.
306
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,869
KEEP 'EM COMIN' FOR
LITTLE MISS AMERICA THERE.
307
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,260
OK, SPORT.
308
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:04,895
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
309
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,065
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
LITTLE GIRL OVER THERE.
310
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,399
NOT YET.
311
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:17,075
HEY, HEY, REMEMBER WHAT YOU GOT
WAITIN' FOR YOU BACK AT MY HOUSE.
312
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,444
A NICE WIFE, WITH 15
POUNDS OFF HER KEISTER.
313
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,094
OH, I'M NOT GONNA
DO ANYTHING NOW.
314
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,362
THIS IS STRICTLY FOR
A FUTURE REFERENCE.
315
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,554
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
FOR A RAINY DAY.
316
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:33,191
THAT'S WHAT A WIFE
IS FOR, A RAINY DAY.
317
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,693
ACT YOUR AGE.
318
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,329
WELL, THERE'S NO
FUN IN THAT, ARCH.
319
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:40,865
I'D RATHER ACT HER AGE. AW.
320
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:45,569
NO, A GUY'S GOTTA KEEP LOOKIN'
FOR, YOU KNOW, GREENER PASTURES.
321
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,472
AFTER 25 YEARS, MARRIAGE IS LIKE
322
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,575
A BOX OF CRACKER JACKS
WITH NO SURPRISE IN IT.
323
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,047
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
JUST THE CRACKER JACKS?
324
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:09,660
ARCH, I GOT ME A SECRETARY
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
325
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:13,664
24 YEARS OLD AND
WILD, ARCH, WILD.
326
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,444
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE CALLS ME?
327
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,468
GRANDPA?
328
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,073
TIGER.
329
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,419
THAT'S WHAT I'M WHEN
I AM WITH HER. A TIGER.
330
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:27,778
WHEN AMELIA FINDS OUT,
SHE'LL CUT YOU DOWN TO TOMCAT.
331
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,681
MAYBE SHE'LL DIVORCE YOU?
332
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,951
SO? WHEN YOU GOT DOUGH,
ARCH, DIVORCE IS NO PROBLEM.
333
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,630
I MEAN, IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU AND EDITH.
334
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,621
YOU'RE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.
335
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:38,923
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
336
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,025
I AIN'T LOOKIN' FOR
NO GREENER PASTURES
337
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,627
'CAUSE EDITH IS
GREEN ENOUGH FOR ME.
338
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,836
I LIKE BEIN' STUCK WITH HER.
339
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,973
OK, ARCH, TO EACH HIS OWN.
340
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,721
HEY, CASEY. KELCY.
341
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,344
OH, I'M SORRY.
342
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:03,381
UH,
343
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,983
WHO'S THE LITTLE
DOLL AT THE TABLE?
344
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,287
OH, YOU MEAN GINGER?
345
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:11,435
GINGER, I LOVE THAT NAME.
346
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,592
SHE'S MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.
347
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,929
SHE'S WAITIN' FOR MY
SON TO PICK HER UP.
348
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,898
YOUR SON, THE DETECTIVE?
349
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,801
YEAH.
350
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,114
IT WAS AWFUL NICE OF
YOU TO BUY HER THAT DRINK.
351
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:28,872
IT COMES TO $3.25
NOT INCLUDIN' THE TIP.
352
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,874
BACK TO THE ZOO, TIGER.
353
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,849
THE FUNNY PART IS
354
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:42,653
EVERYBODY IN THE FAMILY THINKS I'M
THE ONE THAT MADE THE GREAT MARRIAGE.
355
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,190
AMELIA, DID YOU EVER THINK
356
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:51,095
OF SITTIN' DOWN AND TALKIN'
IT ALL OVER WITH RUSSELL.
357
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,763
I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
358
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,665
FRANKLY EDITH,
359
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,235
IT'S BEEN MONTHS
360
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:01,572
SINCE RUSSELL AND
I WERE TOGETHER.
361
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,842
YOU WAS TOGETHER IN HAWAII.
362
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,679
NO.
363
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,949
I MEAN, TOGETHER.
364
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,589
OH!
365
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,195
I'LL GET YOU SOME MORE COFFEE.
366
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,498
EDITH, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
367
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,174
I JUST USE A NEW FILTER.
368
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:41,478
OH, EDITH.
369
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,513
I DON'T MEAN THE COFFEE.
370
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:46,016
I MEAN, OF ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW
371
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:49,954
YOU'RE PRACTICALLY THE ONLY
PERSON WHO HAS A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
372
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,359
ME AND ARCHIE?
373
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:59,463
OH, MY, THANK YOU.
374
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,298
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?
375
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,634
OH, I AIN'T GOT NO SECRET.
376
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,404
UH, WELL, ARCHIE AND
ME STILL HAS FIGHTS.
377
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:10,607
BUT WE DON'T LET
'EM GO ON TOO LONG.
378
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,077
SOMEBODY ALWAYS
SAYS, "I'M SORRY."
379
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,346
AND ARCHIE ALWAYS
SAYS, "THAT'S OK, EDITH."
380
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,120
AND THEN WE FORGET IT.
381
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,155
NO, EDITH. THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEAN.
382
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,924
I MEAN, YOU MUST BE
DOING SOMETHING RIGHT
383
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,559
WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT.
384
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,068
UH, WE GO TO SLEEP.
385
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:43,207
NO, NO, EDITH.
NOTHING... NOTHING MORE?
386
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:49,079
WELL, NOTHIN' MORE
THAN WE'VE BEEN DOIN'
387
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:51,468
SINCE THE MINISTER
SAID WE COULD.
388
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:58,522
BUT, EDITH, DO... DO YOU SEE PINWHEELS
AND SKYROCKETS AND FIREWORKS
389
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,224
LIKE THE 4TH OF JULY?
390
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,307
WITH ME AND ARCHIE
391
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,410
IT'S MORE LIKE THANKSGIVIN'.
392
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,598
HEY, HEY. WE'RE BACK.
393
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,957
OH, THEY'RE BACK.
394
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:37,494
DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON KELCY'S FACE
WHEN HE COULDN'T CHANGE MY $100 BILL?
395
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:40,364
DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON MY
FACE WHEN I HAD TO PAY THE TAB?
396
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,801
DID YOU HAVE A
GOOD TIME AT KELCY'S?
397
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:45,914
YEAH, SWELL, SWELL.
398
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,583
WELL, I'LL GET YOU
BOTH SOME COFFEE.
399
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,784
NO, THANKS, EDITH.
WE GOT TO GET GOIN'.
400
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,087
THEY GOT TO GET GOIN'.
OH, BUT HONEY, IT'S ONLY 2:00.
401
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:55,324
SWEETIE, I'VE GOT SUCH A
LOAD OF WORK WAITING FOR ME.
402
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,059
YOU HAVE WORK AGAIN TONIGHT?
403
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,916
NOW, SWEETHEART, DON'T COMPLAIN.
404
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:02,419
REMEMBER, IT'S ME WORKING LIKE
A BEAVER THAT KEEPS YOU IN MINK.
405
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:04,955
NOW SAY GOODBYE, HONEY.
406
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:06,434
I DON'T WANNA HIT THAT TRAFFIC.
407
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,470
- BYE, ARCHIE. EDITH.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
408
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:10,239
- GOODBYE, KIDS.
- KEEP IN TOUCH.
409
00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:12,307
TAKE CARE OF
YOURSELVES. OH, I WILL.
410
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,631
BYE. GOODBYE.
411
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,066
GOODBYE.
412
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:23,207
WELL, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, EDITH BUNKER.
413
00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:25,542
YOU JUST RUINED
ANOTHER HALF A SUNDAY.
414
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:31,215
DID YOU AND RUSSELL
HAVE A NICE TALK?
415
00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:33,428
YEAH, I TOLD YOU. SWELL, SWELL.
416
00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:35,853
WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?
417
00:22:35,922 --> 00:22:40,090
OH, UH, TALKED ABOUT THE KNICKS.
418
00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:44,128
AND, UH, WHAT THE METS MIGHT BE DOIN'
NEXT SEASON. YOU KNOW, MAN TALK AND THAT.
419
00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:51,021
WHAT DID AMELIA HAVE
TO SAY FOR HERSELF?
420
00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:54,504
OH, NOTHIN'.
421
00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:56,640
OH, YOU KNOW, WOMAN TALK.
422
00:22:56,709 --> 00:23:00,277
COOKIN' AND SO, AND...
AND THE 4TH OF JULY.
423
00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:06,328
ARE WE GONNA SEE THEM
AGAIN ON THE 4TH OF JULY?
424
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:08,886
OH, NO, NO, ARCHIE.
425
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:12,757
OH, JEEZ. YOU'RE GONNA
GIVE ME HEART FAILURE.
426
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:15,459
ONCE A YEAR IS ENOUGH
TO SEE THEM PEOPLE.
427
00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:08,156
ALL IN THE FAMILY WAS
RECORDED ON TAPE
428
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:09,847
BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.
429
00:24:10,305 --> 00:25:10,232
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